Saturday Night in Thames, New Zealand
Nov. 18th, 2004 08:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
daylynOR You Can't Make Stuff Like This Up!
As a bit of background, I've been traveling in New Zealand for about five weeks now, and I have to say that this is one of the most beautiful countries in the world. The landscapes are incredible, especially in the south island, although the volcanic areas of the north island are also amazing.
But, to be honest, the towns are... well... a bit dull. Usually.
Except this past Saturday night in Thames, New Zealand.
Now, I arrived in Thames after a day of driving around. I had been to the Lord of the Rings Hobbiton movie set earlier, and was heading up toward the coast of the Coromandel Peninsula. I was just looking for a cheap place to stay, and Thames seemed to fit the bill.
The Backpacker (hostel) was situated over a bar, and I made the mistake of asking if they served food, since I was absolutely starving. They did, and the proprietor promised to introduce me to some of the locals, after telling me they were holding a Rocky Horror Picture Show contest. Having just recently seen the movie again in New York, I thought, naively, that this would be an innocent, fun way to spend my night.
I returned to the bar after dropping my bag off in the somewhat skanky room, and the proprietor sat me next to two fifty-something women who were dressed... and I use that term loosely... as if they were prostitutes escaped from some sort of mental institution. I guess they were supposed to be something from Rocky Horror, but I couldn't quite see the connection. There was a third woman, a bit younger, who was pouting in disappointment that her husband wouldn't let her go out in public dressed that way. Now, I'm usually quite opposed to controlling husbands, but I have to admit that I could see his point... he didn't want to die of embarassment. It seems almost needless to say that the women were already roaring drunk, and it was only 7:30pm.
As I was waiting for my food, Riff Raff arrived. Yes, another one of the locals actually put together a fairly good Riff Raff costume, although he himself was a bit scary looking. He was tall (the heels accentuated his height) and thin... very thin... almost emactiated... with scabs on his neck and legs. He came and joined the little group I was sitting with.
Oh, Riff Raff also had a sock situated in the front of his lycra tights, and the "prostitutes" starting playing with it. They then asked me if I wanted to "ride his Kiwi experience" (a lewd word play based on a New Zealand bus touring company). I laughed politely, and tried to ignore them.
The bar filled up, a few more people arrived in costumes (the proprietor actually put together a really good Frankenfuter costume), my food came, and the karaoke started. Oh yes, there had to be karaoke, didn't there? And this was not, in any way, good karaoke.
The "prostitutes" and the younger woman all got up and were doing an interesting dance together, and I was left alone at the table with Riff Raff. There was then a bit of commotion that caught my attention.
Now there is no politically correct way to say this, so I'm just going to go for it. There was a retarded midget masturbating and singing karaoke in the corner of the bar. He had only been wearing his briefs, a long vest, and a plaid hat (I guess this was his Rocky Horror costume), and he had pulled his briefs down and was... er... pleasuring himself while singing. Fortunately, I was on the side and his vest covered my view of the proceedings.
I turned toward my companions at the table, and I guess a bit of my... astonishment... showed on my face. Riff Raff leaned over to me, and whispered, "Don't worry. He does this all the time."
I blinked.
Then Riff Raff continued, "Oh, by the way, did anyone tell you that you look nice tonight?"
I blinked again.
Now, I had spent the day driving, hiking, and stepping in sheep shit. I did not "look nice."
Oh fuck, I thought. Riff Raff is hitting on me. And the retarded midget is still masturbating in the corner.
But the weirdness of the evening was nowhere near over. Soon after the midget "finished" (and no, I did not go to the corner to see if he had really finished), they called one of the "prostitutes" up to the front of the bar. It seemed that it was her birthday, and so they presented her with a... are you ready... sparkly purple waterproof vibrator. Yes, really. And, since she was sitting near me, I got to see the sparkly purpleness in its full glory.
Of course, later in the evening, Riff Raff tried to hand me the package the vibrator came in, but I had become quite good at ignoring him.
I must say that my evening in Thames, New Zealand was a bit more... surreal... than I was expecting. And yes, I managed to avoid Riff Raff's advances.
Ain't traveling grand?
On a fanfiction note, I have to admit that it's been quite hard to write/post anything while traveling. My access to the Internet has been spotty at best. But, I am starting a Snape/Harry epic that I've had in my head for months now (I outlined the story and began writing, by hand, the first chapter).
And I hope to do some work on the next chapter of A Very Snarry Romance over the next few days. Since I'm still traveling for about another month or so, I make no promises as to when either of these will actually be posted.
Cheers,
Daylyn
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That is so Funny
Date: 2004-11-18 10:29 am (UTC)I hope you are enjoying NZ for something more than scenery and Lord of the rings sights.
Re: That is so Funny
Date: 2004-11-18 10:48 am (UTC)And in fact, I like Rocky Horror. I even went to a show in July with
It wasn't Rocky Horror, per se, that was so... interesting. I think it was the combination of factors (from the "prostitutes" to the masturbating midget to being hit on by Riff Raff) that made the experience so surreal.
And it was pretty damn funny.
Re: That is so Funny
Date: 2004-11-18 08:16 pm (UTC)I think then you fell in to one of the down falls of small town syndrome, where you ether put up with your neighbors or move. Small town NZ can be a very Surreal place.
Re: That is so Funny
Date: 2004-11-19 10:02 am (UTC)And yes, small town NZ was definitely surreal.
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Date: 2004-11-18 03:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-19 10:05 am (UTC)Damn, but that night was hysterically funny.
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Date: 2004-11-18 03:39 pm (UTC)Still, what a great story!!! hehehe.
And while you're here you can use my comp if you like. No probs. Can't wait. *bounces*
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Date: 2004-11-19 10:08 am (UTC)I'm SOOOOOO looking forward to next week. *bounces back*
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Date: 2004-11-18 04:05 pm (UTC)(*will whore-out self for keychains)
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Date: 2004-11-18 04:31 pm (UTC)You know I have key chains for you, so you have to e-mail me a mailing address and I will send them your way :D
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Date: 2004-11-19 10:11 am (UTC)And yes, it would have been quite different if Arr was there. As much as I miss traveling with him, I wouldn't have this... er... great... er... surreal... er... bizarre... story.
I know Arr got you some keychains (they're very cool; I've seen them). Do you still want some more? If I see anything particularly interesting, I'll pick it up for you.
no subject
Date: 2004-11-19 09:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-20 12:53 am (UTC)And for eternal love and devotion, I will definitely look for cool keychains.
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Date: 2004-11-20 09:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-18 07:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-19 10:14 am (UTC)It was incredibly funny... even while it was happening.
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Date: 2004-11-19 04:09 am (UTC)Um, what to say...?
The mind boggles.
I'm a Wellingtonian, so am a bit of a city snob (as much as any NZer can be), but yeah I can imagine that sort of thing happening in lots of small towns in NZ *grins* As
So, I might have dressed up in RH costume on more than one time in a public place... You wouldn't hold that against me, would you? I swear I wasn't masturbating in the corner!
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Date: 2004-11-19 05:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-19 10:16 am (UTC)It's not Rocky Horror that I have a problem with; I love Rocky Horror. I think it was the masturbating midget that put things over the top. And Riff Raff. And the vibrator.
Damn... that was one strange night.
Oh, and I love your city, btw. Wellington is a really cool place.
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Date: 2004-11-19 02:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-20 12:58 am (UTC)I hadn't realized that, but it is soooo true. While I don't usually see myself as the "normal" person in the mix, I guess in this situation it's fairly accurate.
Surrounded by a surreal world, I really had fallen through the looking glass. (Um... can one mix pop culture references like Rocky Horror and Alice in Wonderland? Well, I just did...)
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Date: 2004-11-19 11:00 pm (UTC)I'm Australian!!!
PHE4R DA MAD AUSSIES!! BWAAAaaahahhahahahahhahaaaaaaaaa
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Date: 2004-11-20 12:59 am (UTC)Well, I already spent two weeks on the East Coast of Australia. And I met no retard masturbating midgets while I was there. Maybe my luck will hold...
no subject
Date: 2004-11-20 02:43 am (UTC)No masturbating migits here... just Roo-rooters. LMAO!
Here's a joke for ya... (ford, holden and Mazda are Aust. car types if ya havent noticed already)
What do ya catch a Holden with?
Holden Bait
What do ya catch a Ford with?
Ford Bait...
What do ya catcha Mazda with???
...
XD I'll let you figure that one out... Teehee!
And... welcome to the land 'down under' ^-^ Where ever ya from...O.o