His Screams Fill The Night

[daylyn]

Here's my first 100-word drabble. It was written with arrmaitee.


---------------


His Screams Fill The Night

by

Daylyn

His screams fill the night.

The boy lies in the infirmary, pale in the moonlight; his lightening-shaped scar bleeding dark red.

Albus senses my approach. “Severus, how are…?” he falters.

I gaze into his cold, opaque eyes. I want to cry out… to make him taste Lupin’s spattered blood and witness my lover’s silent stoic stare as I bludgeoned him in service to the Dark Lord.

“Fine, Headmaster,” I reply instead.

“Severus,” he utters uneasily. “I didn’t mean…”

I walk away, unwilling to hear his false platitudes. He will never understand.

Only the screaming boy and I know the pain.

Comments

[x-ariadne-x.livejournal.com]

Wow .... just...wow!

[daylyn.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I really should be working on other things, but this just came to me in the shower (disturbing, huh), and I just had to write it instead.

[miss-serpentine.livejournal.com]

Oooh! Very nice! The imagery is very well done.

[daylyn.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

So few words ....

[legacylady.livejournal.com]

... but SO MUCH raw emotion packed into them!! WELL DONE!! I had to read it twice to let it sink in - the sadness and pain Snape must have felt.

Kudos!!!

Re: So few words ....

[daylyn.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I just had to stop doing everything else until I had this written. I'm glad you enjoyed it. (And I agree, poor Snape; he's forced to repress his screams and his pain)

[celtic-phantasm.livejournal.com]

Wow. Very short but very powerful. Fantastic job.

[daylyn.livejournal.com]

Thank you so very much!

[arrmaitee.livejournal.com]

This is absolutely outstanding. In 100 words, you've conveyed more emotion than most authors do in novel length fanfics. Bravo!

[daylyn.livejournal.com]

Well, thank you! There's a lot of pain packed in there. And anguish. Poor Snape.

[babydyke1319.livejournal.com]

I just spent the last hour watching a Documentary about Cannibalistic serial killers, and it didn't make me ill.

I read this, and it made me cry and want to vomit.

I praise you. This was fantastic.

[daylyn.livejournal.com]

Umm...thanks (I think).

I know what you mean, though. The piece disturbs me as well. I have know idea where it came from, but I was compelled to write it.

[partitioning.livejournal.com]

Pointed here by armaitee...
Raw emotion... I like the last line a lot.

[daylyn.livejournal.com]

Thank you! It is pretty raw, isn't it...

[jupluna.livejournal.com]

Wow....thats all I can really say.

[daylyn.livejournal.com]

"Wow" says a lot. Thanks!

[shimaspawn.livejournal.com]

You managed to convey an amazing amount of emotion with a tiny amount of words. Kudos to you.

[daylyn.livejournal.com]

Thank you. There is quite a lot of emotion there, and I think the fact that no one expresses it is what makes the piece so compelling.

[little-sun.livejournal.com]

poors...
moving...

[daylyn.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

Wow!

[amsev.livejournal.com]

Ouch. Beautiful. Dark. Ouch. Nice job!

Re: Wow!

[daylyn.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. I have a few longer fics in my head that I plan to actually write, but RL is going to be a bitch for the next few weeks. After that...

Nice...

[vejgeta9.livejournal.com]

Well, a little birdie told me to read this dribble... the little birdie was of course arrmaitee lol... anywayz... wow... it is kinda angsty... (the best kind of dribble) again... wow... Please know that it's well liked!!

Re: Nice...

[daylyn.livejournal.com]

Hi there,

Glad you liked it. Yes, arrmaitee has dubbed me the angst queen -- everything I'm coming up with is so sad and angsty. (he does comedy, I do angst. Oh well).

Anyway, thanks for dropping by; it's nice to meet you!

[http://users.livejournal.com/__b_r_o_k_e_n/]

Incredible. That's all I can say.

[daylyn.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. I posted this a while ago and I certainly wasn't expecting a comment at this time. I really appreciated it. (I still need to work on other stories -- maybe I'll do that soon).

Review

[alienstars2004.livejournal.com]

Disturbing. Very disturbing. Good, still.

Re: Review

[daylyn.livejournal.com]

So sorry it took me so long to respond to your review. RL was interfering in a big way.

Thanks so much for the feedback. It's just 100 words, but yes, it is disturbing. I keep thinking of expanding it from this point... maybe someday.

Thanks again.

[whitefaith.livejournal.com]

And now I'm crying.
That was amazing, one of the best drabbles I have ever read. It just, struck such a chord with me, so powerful.

[daylyn.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[chokl8-opal.livejournal.com]

its so cool and spooky-like! (that's a compliment, btw) i like never review anything, but this is so cool! love the emotion...

[daylyn.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the review. It's great to get feedback, and I'm happy that you liked the emotion I was trying to convey.

[lilmisstwirly.livejournal.com]

wow. short, but powerful.

[daylyn.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much. I keep thinking of expanding the story, but I almost don't want to touch it.

[http://users.livejournal.com/ce_nedra_/]

Oh, so short, but it seems that there is such a long story behind it all. I can really feel the love these two boys have for each other. So much love but also so much pain. Very beautiful and tragic.
It's actually the title that caught my attention, I like the sound of it, sad but beautiful.
That's just a wonderful piece of work. ^_^

[daylyn.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm thinking of writing a long story using the drabble as a jumping off point -- but it would be incredibly sad. I have the continuation all in my head; now I just have actually write it.

And Ce Nedra as your LJ user name. Way cool. I actually am a big fan of the Belgariad.

Guh...

[stardustlady.livejournal.com]

Wow... just wow. It's been a long time since a story made me, well, feel like that. I actually cried. I cannot believe I cried over a 100 words when I rarely cry over anything. Amazing emotion packed into those few words. I wish I could say something more eloquent, but you've cut me to the core.

[kirili.livejournal.com]

Eugh.
Gorgeous.

I think I cried a little..

[hd-slash-fan.livejournal.com]

So beautiful and sad... I just wanted to die...

loved it.

Wow!

[at-splicken.livejournal.com]

You can just feel the pain in this, and the image of Severus bludgeoning Remus as he stood and stared at him is really vivid. Brilliant.

Re: Wow!

[daylyn.livejournal.com]

Thank you! It's so cool to get a comment on something I posted so long ago. This is still one of my favorite pieces I've done, because it has so much pain and horror condensed into 100 words. Thanks again.

[riku-rocks.livejournal.com]

Wow. This is impressive. It's short and to the point, yet implies such powerful imagery and emotions. Well done.

[daylyn.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. It's really cool to get a comment on something I posted so long ago. This remains one of my favorite pieces because I'm quite pleased at how much pain and horror I managed to condense in 100 words.